literature

Survivors

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Literature Text

He loses his wife.
People say 'I'm sorry'
But they don't know the emotions he feels.
He's left with a son and pathetic hole of despair.

She is raped.
People say 'I won't hurt you like he did.'
But they don't know how dirty and disgusting she feels, how fragile she truly is.
She's left to suffer with tears and pain.

He is homeless.
People say 'look at that man; he probably walked out from his home when he was sixteen because of drugs.'
But they don't know that his father abused him and he felt like that if he didn't run away, he'd be left to die there.
He's left alone and empty.

She's is bullied.
People say 'it gets better.'
But they don't know that words can dig deeper holes then wounds.
She's left feeling ugly and ashamed.

He lost his wife.
But he found a way to show his son how much she meant to him and still be the caring father the young boy needs.
He's one of the most amazing fathers a boy could wish for.

She was raped.
But she found a man who doesn't only say 'I won't hurt you' but means it too.
She's no longer scared but happily married instead.

He's was homeless.
But he found a love in music and became a successful street player, now performing all around the world.
He's one of the richest men in the world and he gives back, to those who helped him.

She was bullied.
But that's behind her, she's considered beautiful by someone who is the world to her.
She's not insecure, she's confident in herself.

They call us victims of society.
But were not,
Were the survivors.
I'm actually really proud of this one. It turned out exactly as I had hoped, and I love it.
I watched Nickleback's Lullaby the other day and to say I cried is an understatement. It was amazing and inspired to write this, because it's true, these are the people that survived.

Lullaby, Nickleback- [link]

Hope you liked it :)
© 2012 - 2024 Tureis
Comments29
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Treo-LeGigeo's avatar
Firstly, I really love the idea, the message, and the ending. However, I feel you could have used some more emotive language.

The last lines seem rather matter of fact, and while I appreciate the sentiment they don't really evoke as much emotion as I think they could. My favourite stanza is "People say 'it gets better'/But they don't know that words can dig deeper holes then wounds," but I feel a little let down by last line. "She's left feeling ugly and ashamed" just sort of feels like a statement. I think it could be much stronger if it was something like "She's left cringing every time she looks in the mirror, lying awake at night when she doesn't have to hide the tears."

I really like the lines in the middle, like "But she found a man who doesn't only say 'I won't hurt you' but means it too," and those last lines could just be a little more powerful. Instead of simply "She's no longer scared but happily married instead," what about something like "She no longer flinches at the touch of another hand, and now knows the joy of love and trust." "Instead of "She's not insecure, she's confident in herself" how about "She's reached in and brought up the confidence in herself, and learned that's all that matters."

Oh, and also a few typos. "She's is bullied" should be "She is bullied." "He's was homeless" should be "He was homeless." "But were not/Were the survivors" should be "But we're not/We're the survivors."

All in all, really enjoyed the poem.